December 2, 2009

Although it was a very messy day here weather wise I think we have all been on somewhat of a cloud. Mom's commercial has hit the airways! We have had a lot of calls and texts that mom was on the tv but I don't think we have seen it. My sister in law, Stacey, sent me one of the sweetest text today telling me how beautiful mom looked on the commercial giggling and how great her smile is. I am SOOOO proud of my mom but not for her beauty or her radiating smile but for her attitude, example, and faith. She has lived everyday of my life as a role model. Everyone knows she is human so there have been times that I am sure she wishes I weren't watching her so closely but I am soaking up every moment and every experience with her now and praying that God is using every opportunity to teach me and help me learn to be a woman, mother and wife as worthy as my mom.
Isn't it amazing how God can take something as frightening as a sudden diagnosis of cancer and make it a blessing? I am sure there are some in the world that accept a cancer diagnosis as a death sentence, pity themselves, blame everyone and deny themselves the peace that God offers us. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by love, encouragement and prayer to keep those thoughts far away and flood our lives with overwhelming peace and love. In the devotional for today it said that God surrounds us with his peace. When we are still and enjoy walking through life with him as our companion providing steadfast peace that passes all understanding we have reached the relationship that God calls us to. There are certainly seasons of my life when I recognize I was not in companionship with God and because of those times I have come to appreciate these times when I can truly see and feel God's peace. My Aunt Marsha and I were talking this morning and it is blatant the ways that God has moved through this journey with us giving us shelter from fear and peace in the process we are following. He know just what we need.
Next Thursday is mom's CAT scan to look at the markers and see what kind of effect the drugs are having on the tumors. We can't wait to celebrate the success of the drugs and the healing power of God. Mom went to work again today and stayed half the day then came home to rest. Todd had to take Haidyn to the doctor today because she is still congested and spitting up. She is healthy, we are changing her formula and she is over 3 months old now and weighs 9lbs 12ozs. She is staying little for GiGi so while mom's treatments wear her down and weaken her physical strength she will still be able to hold and rock Haidyn without any additional physical strain. I think that is such a sweet gift Haidyn is giving GiGi :) Once mom gets her strength to play more and sing to her and go on walks she will start putting on more weight but for now she is happy being just the right size for mom to enjoy her most. When I went to pick Haidyn up from mom's tonight, they were snuggled in mom's chair all toasty and content. I hated to wake her immediately although I hadn't seen her in almost 12 hours but it was super sweet to sit and chat with mom while watching her love on my baby.
God is so good! Its hard to focus on our fears when we are focused on his promised peace. Almost every day I have a moment of doubt, fear and still anger that get the best of me but I have fewer today than yesterday and will have less tomorrow than today. Being at work away from my mom has been the hardest but it is good for both of us to have more normal times so we don't focus on the doubt and fears. I wish my sister and Grandmommie could be here more with us because they would really appreciate this time with mom. This is the longest she has stayed in town and not on the go that I can remember in years. I am thanking God for every moment together because I have been trying to get on mom and Ken's social calendar for years :)
Thank you all for the unending love, encouragement, cards, emails, texts, comments, food, visits and prayers that we are more appreciative of than you can ever understand. I fall to my knees many times a day in prayer thanking God for our support on this journey to healing for mom.