December 29, 2009

The last few days have seemed to fly by. Let's see....Saturday Haidyn showed us that Santa brought her the first tooth. Sunday we went to late service then straight to Southaven to be with the Cox side of the family. I really missed mom at church and when we were with the family but it was good to spend time with them all. It was very special to me to hold to Ken's hand as we as an entire family prayed over the meal and mom; Thank you Uncle Tom :) It was so much fun to be together and share the meal, the kids, the tree and presents as well as the hugs and laughs. Mom was missed and was certainly missed by all.
Yesterday I was off as well. I went to Hancock's Fabrics and got us some projects to work on together. As she shared her christmas gifts with me I began to draw out my finds. Mamaw came over and got to experience mom teaching me how to use her sewing machine. She and Erica have sewn together before but NEVER me and mom. She laughed as she showed me how to thread the machine and said, "well em, I never thought I would be showing you how to use my machine. Your sister would die to know what I am doing right now. She won't believe you have learned to scrapbook and sew in one season." For those of you who truly know my mom, you know how beautiful she can sew and how honored I felt to have her show and allow me to use her machine :) We spent hours sewing ribbons on burp cloths and creating soft/silky squares with ribbons for Haidyn to chew and drool on. It was a blast.
Uncle Tom, Aunt Marsha, Uncle Freddie, Cody and Brit came by only long enough to get a hug as they picked Mamaw up to go back to Alabama. It was sweet that they wanted to see her only for a quick hug. We are so blessed to have such a loving, supportive and encouraging family every step of the way that are praying for us and with us. I can't imagine what this would be like without everyone that has shown us the love and support and prayed with us for mom's healing.
Haidyn has found her voice and I called mom this afternoon so she could hear Haidyn "talking". Mom said next year we will be saying, "No, Haidyn!" a lot. I told her that we won't either because Haidyn will be sitting on her lap being spoiled rotten smiling at her GiGi. It is the most wonderful time of year.
Mom has another Erbitux treatment tomorrow. I am glad its not the 3 drug treatment tomorrow for her. I will also be glad when she goes back to Friday treatments so she can continue to work as she enjoys doing. God has blessed her not only with good response to the drugs but tolerance physically so she has experienced little pain. Please continue to pray for her healing, the doctors and nurses overseeing her care and all families suffering with the pains of cancer. Thank you so much for all the christmas cards, messages, emails, phone calls and prayers through this season. We are a richly blessed family.

December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas to all. We had a quiet but relaxing Christmas. I was up till 2am last night putting the finishing touches on Todd's mom's mini-scrapbook I gave her as a gift so this little elf is tired! We got up early and went to Todd's parents first. We left at noon and went to mom's.
When we got there Haidyn had been asleep about 45 minutes or so. When we left at 3, she was still snoozing! We left with steaks to make dinner at our house. At 6:30 mom and Ken came over for dinner; Haidyn was asleep again! They think we drug her but she really does only sleep, eat and bathe. Right before our dinner was ready she woke up in time to get granddaddy to give her a bottle before we sat down to dinner. She watched everyone from her bouncy seat and was the center of attention. After dinner we sat in front of the fireplace and played scrabble. Haidyn became the life of the party making her happy noises laying between Todd and me on the loveseat. I simply can't get enough of watching my mom watch and play with my baby. You can't tell who's happy anymore because Haidyn has big smiles too.
God has been so good and blessed us in countless ways. This year has been extreme but I am thankful for my family both immediate and spiritual. I am most thankful for your prayers and for God's healing powers within my mom. She still has good days and some bad, those are more like bad moments not full days anymore. We are officially 1/2 way through the treatments now. We are focused on beating this cancer and are reaching for God's hand of peace and healing every step of the way. I didn't get to tear open many presents today and get excited about the contents of the box but I did get to hug and kiss my beautiful mom, share a meal, entertainment and my baby on Christmas in our home. God is good always and I am most appreciative on God's guidence for the doctors and nurses who have administered the drugs that are healing mom's body and for your prayers. God is answering and blessing!

December 24, 2009

Last night was Haidyn's first night away from home. Todd and I had dinner downtown and a Christmas gift exchange with some of our besties so Haidyn got to stay at GiGi's. We went to Kyle's art showing at church and met up with Ken. Then we went to house to drop Haidyn off.
Mom was so proud and full of herself if I do say so. She had moved Haidyn's pack and play into her room. She has a space heater running in there too so it would be plenty warm for her baby. Haidyn fell asleep about 7:15 and it was 8 when we got there and she was still snoozing. I got all the baby bath stuff out and went over bathtime and the bedtime routine with mom. I thought for sure she would wake up as soon as we left the driveway.
I got a text about 10:20 that she had stirred a little so granddaddy took her out of her carseat and let her rest on his chest. When we decided a couple hours later to go to bed they just laid her down in her pack and play and she kept right on sleeping. Ken said mom was up about every 15-20 minutes checking on her. Finally about a quarter to 4 she woke up, took a bottle, got her diaper changed, burped and went right back to sleep. At 8 when I got there GiGi was giving her another bottle.
I think Haidyn had a perfectly good time there but GiGi and granddaddy were a little upset that they barely got to see her little brite brown eyes with all that sleeping. Mom said finally this morning when she woke up she was sweet and happy but I was on my way to get her. I think she was tired from watching Haidyn sleep all night but I guess that's what new grandparents do:) She told me over and over how much they enjoyed her and how thankful she was that she could keep her for us. I think she thought we would come pick her up when we realized how quiet our house was without her but her GiGi needed her. All day long through her treatment she was probably thinking of her getting to keep her first granddaughter for the first time!
What a wonderful time of year this has been. God has been so good to us and continues to bless us. Its amazing to think back to just last year and how much has happened since. If you would have told me a year ago I had a baby growing in me and mom she had cancer growing in her we never would have believed it. We would have been scared to death of 2009. Well, it has been a scary year with extreme emotions from high to lows but God has never left our side. He has cried with us and you through the shock and pain of mom's cancer and laughed and celebrated new life with us all over Haidyn's arrival. God has shown his faithfulness to us through the love, support and prayers of all our friends and family. I never would have thought I could say 9 weeks ago that this has been the best year yet- but it has. And every day it keeps getting better. With great anticipation I am looking forward to 2010; to the celebrations and pain because through it all God is there holding our hand as he leads us through his plan. Learning to trust more, believe only by faith and love more deeply everyday have been things I have learned in 2009 that I will not slip away as I enter the years to come. I hope that everyone finds the peace and assurance in God's love as our family has learned this year. We can never keep up with the gifts God has blessed us with but we are appreciative.

December 21, 2009

I don't think I have even talked to mom today. It is tough coming home from your first road trip with a 3 month old- exhausting. I feel like I have been playing catch up all day long but mom has been on my mind. I talked to her last night and she was anxious to know how Haidyn did on her first road trip. I was so proud to report to her that she slept almost the whole 11 hour round trip. Mom says that is because she had a talk with her before she left about enjoying her ride in the car seat so she won't miss out on fun things.
My day to day desk calendar had the perfect bible verse today for me when I walked in to work. Matthew 17:20- "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, "move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be immpossible for you." My mom has that kind of faith. It is inspiring to say the least but she is asking God to move her mountain. All the prayers that are being lifted to God are begging for more faith in his healing powers to restore mom to a cancer free life and he is answering. I have thought of my mom several times today and stopped to pray for faith like hers before praying for her healing. Thank you so much for your prayers that are giving her this strength and faith.
We are looking forward to being together later in the week with Todd family and with Ken's family. When we went to Alabama over the weekend we stayed Friday night with my Aunt Marsha and Uncle Freddie. Mamaw and Haidyn got to see each other twice in one week :) They are looking forward to coming to Southaven this year for Christmas and us all being together. I am glad mom isn't going to have the 3 drug treatment before Christmas. She will have just the Erbitux treatment tomorrow then a nap before she and Ken babysit for the first official time while we go out to dinner with some friends. I know she will be ready for the treatment to be over tomorrow so she can get home and rest before her baby gets there.
My hope is that everyone will have a very merry Christmas. That families be close and make memories to last a lifetime like I know our family will be doing this week.

December 17, 2009

Mom took a day of rest today and I am so glad. Having the 3 drug treatment typically takes a little more out of her. Todd, Haidyn and I am going to Alabama to spend the night with Aunt Marsha and fam so Mom and Ken came over to get hugs and kisses. Mom brought one of my baby outfits over along with a new dress that grandaddy got her yesterday while he was out shopping. Mom got to watch Haidyn take a bath in her jacuzzi tub. She loves her bath and mom enjoyed watching her splash and make happy baby noises.
We are all still very much on a high from the good news yesterday. I am in shock, literally, of the progress mom is making. Even Todd said when they stopped by tonight that mom looked so good. I forgot to mention in yesterday's blog, the first thing the doctor said when she came in is that she loved mom's new hair do. It looks so good. I am going to have to get some pics of her and Haidyn next week on her first Christmas and post them.
I have a lot of packing to do so this will be short and sweet- THANK YOU! God is an awesome God. He has heard all your prayers and is answering with healing power and peace for mom and our entire family.

December 16, 2009

Today has been another long but very exciting day for us. Today was mom's day to have the 3 drug treatment. She had to be at the clinic at 7:45 to start her pre meds. They told her she could meet with Dr B at 8:15 so of course, I went straight there to hear the news from the horses mouth with her and Ken.
We waited on the doctor for a while so that gave us time to visit and she and Ken more time to familiarize themselves with their new phones and ask me plenty of questions I did not know the answer to about how to work them :) When the doctor came in with the reasearch nurse we were good and ready to receive some excellent news, and we got it!
The very first thing that she told us was the fluid that was around mom's lungs is completely gone! She said she normally does not see that decrease until much later if at all. Praise God! That fluid is what was causing her not to have the quality breathing and had sent her to the doctor in the first place. Secondly, the tumors have reduced in size about 14%. Mom and I are very visual so although we understood what she was saying, we wanted to see it. Mom asked her if we could see the CT scan and she said sure. At first she told us she couldn't give us a split screen from Oct to Dec but after playing with it a few minutes, she figured it out on the computer and was able to show us. This was a totally different perspective that I never expected. Instead of it being vertical, like you see xrays, this was horizontal. So as she scrolled through the film it was from stomach to chest showing the lungs in horizontal "slices" if you will. It was quickly apparent the improvements that had taken place in just 6 treatments! I knew Dr B probably wishes mom and I hadn't all but sat in her lap to see the computer screen while Ken sat back with the worlds most content look of his face but she graciously continued to show and explain what we were seeing. God is so good! Both Dr B and the research nurse told us over and over what good and a little bit suprising news this was. I loved it when Dr B was listening to mom's lungs she told her how much better she sounds. As she listened to the 2nd lung she patted mom on the back and said, "show off", with a smile on her face.
We chatted about Christmas plans. Shared pics of Haidyn with Santa, aka Granddaddy, and asked a few more questions about mom's reports. Later when I talked to mom she told me how much more she appreciates Dr B everytime we meet with her. I think I said early on she was not our 1st choice doctor but we were so impressed with her initial consult we felt God had placed her in our lives for a reason. With every step of this journey we are assured this was no accident and surley God's hand at work.
Mom didn't get home till about 5pm. When I talked to her on my way home from work she told me about reuniting with a lady she had gone to church with in Huntington after she was married to my dad but before they had Erica. She said she recognized the woman and told her who she was. They were sitting side by side receiving their treatments. She said that her conversation with her not only helped to pass the time but gave her such peace and encouragement. She said that the woman told mom she has never asked God to make her cancer free. I know that was a shock for me and it sounded like it was for mom too because we're praying for it ALL to be gone. She said that everyone in her family was healthy, she's lived a long and happy life, she looks forward to heaven and if this is what takes her then she has peace with that. Mom said she just never thought of it that way. She said maybe she does love being here on earth serving God more than she longs for the heavenly home and she will think more about that. This friend of my mom's is a 2 time cancer survivor, still undergoing treatments and living with cancer who is at peace with God in her faith of her mansion, robe and crown awaiting. What an amazing faith and how wonderful she was there to share the time, her experience and faith with mom today. I know I will be saying prayers of thanksgiving for days to come for mom's suprise visit with her friend she had not seen in over 30 years till today.
We have learned more than we ever wanted to or thought we would about lung cancer since Oct 19th, 2009. God has never left us and been by all of our sides every day and every minute of the day along the way. He has shown himself in countless ways through the doctors, nurses, test results, volunteers, suprise visits, your calls, emails, hundreds of cards, comments and many other acts of service and love. Walking with Him through this storm has been our comfort and stay. Some days when I have felt overwhelmed with fear of cancer for my mom I have thought of and read the story of the disciples on the sea with Jesus in their boat sleeping and they were scared to death. They woke Jesus and Jesus spoke to calm the sea. Many days I have scared beyond words of the outcome for us and remembered to pray for that kind of peace and although I can't hear Jesus or see him say, "Peace be still" I feel His presence and His peace come over me. Never before, in my life, have I had the fear I have experienced in the last 2 months or felt a peace like this. Even 5 years ago through my car accident and months of recovery afterward I never found these levels of reliance in God. That's probably because I had my mom every hour of every day for months praying for my healing, strength, comfort and perseverance while she sat by me encouraging and nursing to me always. I am SO proud of my mom and thank God in every prayer for my opportunity to return her love and show her the outcome of her 28 years of mothering in me. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be His glorious name! He has been so good to us and is forever faithful when we trust in His ability to see us through big and small.
I know we will all go to bed with smiles on our faces and prayers of thanksgiving and praise on our hearts tonight. I hope mom and Ken have taken the times to hold one another a little tighter today and pray together a prayer of thanks for today's report and the reminder of His faithfulness for mom's visit and testimony of faith through her friend. It seems insincere since I have said it so many times but I can't say it enough, thank you! Thank you from all our family and my mom for loving, caring and praying for all of us and that God will restore mom's health, for her to have as little pain as possible while she regains her strength and her life back to normal.God is answering your prayers in our lives daily in ways we never imagined. He allows us the fear and sweeps in with peace. Its truly amazing and humbling the range of emotions and the depths of love we have been showered with even before the full diagnosis. I think this time of year everyone, especially Christians, think back on the year and the blessings we have received. Though many celebrate this as a relgious holiday season my prayer is that I will forever more celebrate this and every season of the year for God's sacrifice of Jesus, his faithfulness to be in constant relationship with us, his peaceful presence and his promise of heaven in the end. I know mom has a beautiful mansion, robe and crown in heaven and when we all get there she will be inviting us all over all the time but I would just as soon have her here in her beautiful home just 6 miles away from mine, in her satin robe that Haidyn loves to snuggle up to cause its like her silkies, and in her cute hats the volunteers have given her to keep her head warm instead of a crown with us here for an unforseeable length of time. Thank you for your prayers that make that wish seem more and more possible each day. May God bless you today and forever in the same ways he is blessing us!

December 14, 2009

Well we must have worn mom out taking our Christmas card pictures at her house Saturday night because she didn't make it Sunday morning to church. Mamaw didn't seem to mind holding Haidyn during church though. Mom did get to feeling better by last night and made it to the children's musical at church.
Today mom went to work for about 5.5 hours. She is getting stronger every day and amazing me at how much working she is doing both at the office and at home. Getting those preliminary results was such a blessing because now we know she is not just feeling better but she IS better. Her full work up should be available Wednesday when she goes for her next treatment. My office is within a mile from the clinic and I told her to let me know what time they were going to go over it with her because I want to come be with her.
On mom's way home from the office today she met me and I gave her some enlargements of pictures of Haidyn that were taken yesterday. She was so sweet yesterday afternoon and it was just sunny enough outside where I didn't have to use a flash. She was thrilled with the pics. I think the only thing that could have trumped that would have been hearing her laugh out loud. She finally did it tonight for her daddy and me. I picked up the phone as soon as she did it and called mom. I know its killing her to have to wait till tomorrow night to see her and hear her new laugh but it gives us all one more thing to look forward to tomorrow.
God is so very good and is continuing to bless us in so many ways. Thank you for your love, supports and PRAYERS!

December 12, 2009

Mamaw was in town with us today so Haidyn had another day of endless spoiling. Mama and I rode out to Arlington to the cutest baby boutique Shelley told me about and shopped for Haidyn. GiGi got Haidyn her smocked Christmas dress. We could have stayed in there for hours but mom and Haidyn were tired so we got what we came for and went home.
Dinner was brought over by one of the couples in mom and ken's small group. Todd came over and we all ate dinner with Mamaw together at home. I think memories around the table are some of the most special and we certainly have caught up on those lately. I hope we continue to eat around the table at home together and share that time with Haidyn as she grows up.
Mom is feeling better every day. I don't think she got her nap and she's kinda like Haidyn, she needs a nap! After dinner although mom was tired she was excited to help ken take our family pictures for our christmas cards. It was so much fun getting haidyn in some of my old clothes and taking her picture. We made a lot of great memories today.
I am looking forward to us all being at church again tomorrow together with Mamaw too! I am glad that haidyn is here with us now so instead of kicking me and making me so uncomfortable in church like she did all summer I can pass her over to my mom and watch both of them just light up. Worshiping together is something I don't take for granted because I have always enjoyed my mom's singing and the discipline we had sitting on the pew next to her. It will be interesting to see if haidyn gets to put her feet on the floor or look behind us like mom didn't allow me too since haidyn is the grandbaby. Mom seems to be much softer on her than she was for Erica and me.
God is good! We thank you all for continuing to keep us in prayer. We have counted mom's cards and she is nearing 200! Hallmark is loving her right now but never as much as she is loving checking the mail box for her daily dose of encouragement from all of you. The notes in the cards are so special and mean so much to mom. Thank you for sharing your stories, your lives, and your prayers with us during this time. God is answering, the cancer is shrinking and we will win this battle to restore mom's health.

December 10, 2009

Today was a long and exhausting day but it ended with some very good news. Mom was able to drive herself to her CTscan first thing this morning. After they did the scan she went home to lay down before going to work. About 4 this afternoon I got a text from mom. The final test results will not be completed till early next week however the preliminary results indicated the tumors have shrunk 16-20%! I just sat and cried tears of joy when I read the text message. Mom has only had 2 full rounds which is 6 treatments of 6 full rounds. We are amazed at the results. We knew it was working because mom's breathing was so much better but actually having the proof is such a relief. Her next treatment will be next Wednesday and she will have the chemo drugs in that session.
After I got off work, mom was still sleeping so I waited till about 7:15 to call and find out mom had woken up. Haidyn and I went over to show her some love. She hadn't seen us since Saturday so she was excited to see her babies. Haidyn did all her cute tricks like smiling, popping her mouth, standing and bouncing and buzzing her lips. Mom and Ken just ate her performance up till she got tired and we had to go home. Mom has a new wig that Ken picked out for her that is SO cute. I could tell immediately that mom seemed more comfortable in this one too. It has more spunk to it than the other. I am so glad she has found something that really fits her.
The West Clinic gave mom a DVD with all 3 versions of the commercial on it. Ken played them for me. In two of the three mom is simply laughing and smiling. In the third mom has a speaking part but she is laughing in that one too. I want to try and find a way to upload it to the blog so everyone can see my beautiful celebrity mom :)
God has been so very good to us. The power of all the prayers lifted is amazing. He is healing mom physically and all of us emotionally.
The devotional for today said to seek your security in the Lord. In the darkness of life you are able to more clearly see His face, when you are focused on Him. Accepting the value of adversity in this life and accepting it as joy is the true test of your faith. Faith that you have a life-time of trouble-free living awaiting us in heaven is the right perspective in this life. That is so difficult to accept sometimes because you want to go through all the human emotions of adversity but that is what sets Christians apart. We look to the Lord for the security to find peace with this world from the road rage driver who gives us anxiety on the way to work, dealing with cancer diagnosis/treatment, financial upset, broken homes, addictions, abuse, accidents and everything in between that give us fear, anger, pain and disappointment.
God is good. He has heard the prayers for my beautiful mom. He has given her strength and she has trusted in her doctor's and God's ability to guide their hand as they treat her. His impact in so many lives through this pain is amazing to me on a daily basis. Knowing that he understands our pain because he himself experienced this when he provided the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus for us. Its easy to forget sometimes that God knows pain because he suffered watching his only son die a cruel death and his heart breaks for everyone who chooses not to worship him. That must be terrible pain to sacrifice your only son for those that refuse to return his love and worship Him.
Everyday I am overwhelmed with the continued cards, emails, text messages, comments and all the other countless ways mom and Ken are being supported through our journey with mom to battle the cancer. We are being loved and prayed over many times a day across the nation and even by some people who probably don't know us well. We can't show our gratitude enough for the faith in God and his healing power. Please continue to pray mom's treatments will continue to be a success. We are praying for a miracle and thankful for every blessing along the way.
This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

December 9, 2009

Mom had a really good day. She called Todd early and got him on the books for a teeth cleaning at 1pm. When I talked to her she sounded fabulous this morning. She ended up staying at work till about 3 which is a pretty long day for her. When she got home she told Ken that she was really tired but she felt good and she felt like staying and getting some work done. That's my mom. I couldn't be more proud of her. She has such a strong attitude. I am praying for amazing new at the end of the week:)

December 7, 2009

What a long day. Atleast I fell asleep early with my baby for a couple hour nap this evening:)
Mom took herself to her Erbitux treatment today. I called a couple times to check on her and she said she was fine. I think she building some tolerance to the benadryl. Coming from someone who can take 3 at a time then do laundry, grocery shop and come home and keep going-it can be done. So this was the 6th day of treatment. Thursday is the CATscan and friday we get results and will be celebrating. We already know mom is breathing better but we want facts.
God is always good. My grandmommie has the most positive outlook on it all, just like mom and I pray that we will not be let down. One thing is for sure no matter what the outcome Friday- this family has been waking by faith and learning every day to trust in God's faithfulness. We will never be disappointed in his love for us! Please continue to pray- we are asking for a miracle but He is more than able.

December 6, 2009

We are on our way home from Waverly. Todd was out there from Thursday afternoon till today with Daniel. They were hunting the John. Yesterday at dusk Todd dropped a doe so mom is really looking forward to some deer meat soon.
Seeing everybody at church this morning was awesome! So many people asked about mom I couldn't even remember them all to tell her. I got hugs from people I haven't hugged in years and was way overdue for some loving from them. Of course, no one gave credit to Todd for being little Haidyn's daddy because they saw her dark eyes and remembered me when I was that tiny. Everyone said she looks just like me but she really does look like Todd. They all commented on how happy Joan must be to finally be a grandmother and have the sweetest granddaughter. Mr Price made my day though, he told me Haidyn is pretty but I am still the prettiest baby he's ever seen. Gotta love that!
To have that many people know you since your birth, baby sit you, teach you about God from cradle roll and up, share priceless memories of things we did together and things I did with their kids growing up still love you almost 30 years later as much as when you were in their everyday lives is a humbling experience. You don't take time to appreciate those relationships and memories until you distace yourself- return and remember 100's more memories. Thank you God for the church at Waverly, their undying love and faithful hearts who look to your love as an example. Counting my blessings today with this rush of gratitude for my mom raising us in such a wonderful place with the best people here on earth would be a pointless cause, I can't keep that kind of count!
I am so glad Todd got to experience Grace and John and all that Waverly offers this weekend. It makes me proud. I am proud that I got to introduce Todd too. I told Todd on the way home that we are a very rich family and always have been. The things you can put a price on in life are not the things that make you rich, its the things that are priceless like a lifetime of love and prayer through relationships like we have been blessed with from these people that make us some of the richest people on earth. I hate that Todd will never be able to go back and have people who have known him since birth show him love but I think he felt some of it getting hugs to take back to mom and see how these people love my mom and my sister and I and instantly adored Haidyn.
I can't wait to get home and tell Mom all about it. Our short phone call was not enough. We will be hugging for a while just so I can give her all the love that was sent to her from them. When mom gets more energy it will be a lot of fun to go back with her and Haidyn and do it all over again. Thank you God for blessing my mom with their love and support for the last 30 years. They have a lot to do with how she raised us and who we are today. I could never deserve a gift like that! I hope that Todd and I will build the kind of family for Haidyn where she can do this one day with her family. I believe our church family at Sycamore View will be that place for her. I bragged on our church family all morning and everyone said how happy they are that Mom has that kind of local support there for her through this but she has a lot there with them too. They can't wait to see her but for now I showed off our pics from last weekend.
God is always good!!!

December 4, 2009

It has been a long week for me, 4 days in a row at work since August! I finally feel like I am catching back on to the job that I have had for almost 2 years. Mom is regaining her strength from her last treatment and has gone to work 4 days in a row too. Haidyn even went to the babysitter 4 days in a row so it has been a week of adjustment for us all as we try to find our new normal.
Mom got to see the commercial today. Ken told me there atleast 2 versions. They come on channels 3 and 5 we know for sure. Ken even recorded one so he and mom have watched it together. I STILL have not seen it but hopefully I will tmrw.
Todd and Daniel are still in Waverly hunting. They weren't planning on coming home till Sunday afternoon so Haidyn and I are going to drive over tmrw afternoon, spend the night and go to church Sunday with Grace and John. I can't wait to see so many faces that helped my mom raise me and Erica and have known me since birth. I wish I could give everyone who reads this and prays for us hugs daily but Sunday I will get to do that for some that I have not seen in years. I wish mom felt up to riding with me but that's a lot for her right now. I will be bringing her love and appreciation in spirit with me. Before we leave tmrw I have to take Haidyn to mom's to show off her new monogrammed onsie that says I love my GiGi.
As I sat and talked with Mrs McCarver tonight about my mom and her relationship with hers, I realized how much I have to be thankful for. I am fortunate to have friends like Mrs McCarver who have been through similar experiences and who understand the emotions I have and know just the right prayers to lift for me and my mom. God has blessed us with so many people like the Lillard family and my friend MaryAnn in Knoxville who is married to a cancer survior of more than 10 years who understand and encourage us daily. There are so many more I could name specifically and I feel blessed to be able to go visit some this weekend and thank them from the bottom of our hearts.
Our God IS an awesome God and he does reign in heaven and earth with wisdom, power and love. Thank you God for your love for us and for giving us each other to help us here on Earth to make it home with you in heaven in the end.

December 3, 2009

Good day, I think that goes for us all. Mom went to work and was still there at 1 o'clock when I called to see how her day went- it was still going. Of course she went home and crashed soon there after, as she should have. She called tonight to check on Haidyn and see how we are doing. Todd left for a weekend hunting trip today so I think he enlisted mom's supervision of his girls like he normally does. Todd and mom have such a special relationship and I could not be more glad for it. She adores him and he adores her right back. She never gave birth to a son but she has two son in laws that she loves like her own and who return that same love. God has certainly blessed Erica and I with christian husbands who truly are family. Mom won't ever call them son in laws- she calls them both HER boys. It doesn't get much better than that.
Ken has seen the commercial now but mom and I still haven't. I went on the West Clinic website today to see if they had a link to the commercial, they dont. I think they may be giving mom a copy and if they do I will try to post it. Everyone has told me how beautiful my mom is in the commercial and I have no doubt that she is!
The devotional today said that the evils of this world will fight to seperate us from the peace of God but he is with us in every battle. All we have to do is call on the name of the Lord and he is there. Every knee shall bow and every tounge confess that Jesus Christ is Lord when he returns to take all those who have sought him home to the mansions, robes and crowns we have been promised. As I read the devotional this morning I kept thinking about a song we sing at Sycamore View often and I caught myself several times today at work, driving in traffic and even dancing with Haidyn singing, "Be strong and courageous and do not be afraid. The Lord goes before you each and every day. He'll never forsake you. Oh, don't be afraid. He'll never forsake you. Oh, don't be afraid. The Lord goes before you through the troubles and strife and he will protect you all the days of your life. He'll never forsake you. Oh, don't be afraid." Its hard not to be afraid every single day for multiple reasons, not just cancer and its treatments but its more than comforting to know that he will NEVER forsake us even when we forsake him! What an unconditionally loving God. We just can't experience that love anywhere other than with God. Whatever your fears are, God knows and is prepared to go before us and protect us but only when we trust him to do so. I pray that God will keep our minds from the fears and our eyes focused on him and the faith of his healing powers daily for mom. My mom is my best friend, role model and the best GiGi ever to my baby and God is healing her through the power of your prayers. Thank you! Ken would never be as strong as he is through this without your prayers. Mom's sons would never have the strength to support Erica and I if it weren't for your prayers. And Grandmommie would never ever have accepted this diagnosis and come to the understanding and comfort with mom's condition, treatments and her ultimate healing if it weren't for your prayers. From all of us, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We are not forgetting to thank God for everything that has been done for each of us in our prayers, you are a blessing!

December 2, 2009

Although it was a very messy day here weather wise I think we have all been on somewhat of a cloud. Mom's commercial has hit the airways! We have had a lot of calls and texts that mom was on the tv but I don't think we have seen it. My sister in law, Stacey, sent me one of the sweetest text today telling me how beautiful mom looked on the commercial giggling and how great her smile is. I am SOOOO proud of my mom but not for her beauty or her radiating smile but for her attitude, example, and faith. She has lived everyday of my life as a role model. Everyone knows she is human so there have been times that I am sure she wishes I weren't watching her so closely but I am soaking up every moment and every experience with her now and praying that God is using every opportunity to teach me and help me learn to be a woman, mother and wife as worthy as my mom.
Isn't it amazing how God can take something as frightening as a sudden diagnosis of cancer and make it a blessing? I am sure there are some in the world that accept a cancer diagnosis as a death sentence, pity themselves, blame everyone and deny themselves the peace that God offers us. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by love, encouragement and prayer to keep those thoughts far away and flood our lives with overwhelming peace and love. In the devotional for today it said that God surrounds us with his peace. When we are still and enjoy walking through life with him as our companion providing steadfast peace that passes all understanding we have reached the relationship that God calls us to. There are certainly seasons of my life when I recognize I was not in companionship with God and because of those times I have come to appreciate these times when I can truly see and feel God's peace. My Aunt Marsha and I were talking this morning and it is blatant the ways that God has moved through this journey with us giving us shelter from fear and peace in the process we are following. He know just what we need.
Next Thursday is mom's CAT scan to look at the markers and see what kind of effect the drugs are having on the tumors. We can't wait to celebrate the success of the drugs and the healing power of God. Mom went to work again today and stayed half the day then came home to rest. Todd had to take Haidyn to the doctor today because she is still congested and spitting up. She is healthy, we are changing her formula and she is over 3 months old now and weighs 9lbs 12ozs. She is staying little for GiGi so while mom's treatments wear her down and weaken her physical strength she will still be able to hold and rock Haidyn without any additional physical strain. I think that is such a sweet gift Haidyn is giving GiGi :) Once mom gets her strength to play more and sing to her and go on walks she will start putting on more weight but for now she is happy being just the right size for mom to enjoy her most. When I went to pick Haidyn up from mom's tonight, they were snuggled in mom's chair all toasty and content. I hated to wake her immediately although I hadn't seen her in almost 12 hours but it was super sweet to sit and chat with mom while watching her love on my baby.
God is so good! Its hard to focus on our fears when we are focused on his promised peace. Almost every day I have a moment of doubt, fear and still anger that get the best of me but I have fewer today than yesterday and will have less tomorrow than today. Being at work away from my mom has been the hardest but it is good for both of us to have more normal times so we don't focus on the doubt and fears. I wish my sister and Grandmommie could be here more with us because they would really appreciate this time with mom. This is the longest she has stayed in town and not on the go that I can remember in years. I am thanking God for every moment together because I have been trying to get on mom and Ken's social calendar for years :)
Thank you all for the unending love, encouragement, cards, emails, texts, comments, food, visits and prayers that we are more appreciative of than you can ever understand. I fall to my knees many times a day in prayer thanking God for our support on this journey to healing for mom.

December 1, 2009

Well today was a sad day, Grandmommie went home. I am so glad I wasn't the one to take her to the airport because I would have cried the whole way. Todd took her and made sure she started her trip home off right. Mom went to work this morning and worked till about lunch. Haidyn missed great grandmommie all day. Shelly said she only slept about an hour all day, she didn't want to miss it if grandmommie came back- haha.
Today's devotional thought was God has everlasting love which flows from eternity. It said that we have lost the perspective of eternity. This is true. Until the last 6 weeks I can honestly say that I didn't live my life like today could be my last. I have always lived my life with the goal of heaven but until I started to walk closer with God in almost constant prayer for my mom and others I had lost the perspective of eternity with God. I think everyone in this situation finds themselves at the crossroads of the longer path with the peace God promises or the shortcuts that the devil tempts us with. I find myself praying longer and more honestly with God. I know that he is listening because I can see my mom's energy increase daily as she can breathe better. She is absolutely the example of grace and beauty everyday and although we all have our moments I can tell she is resting in his peace. Thank you so much for praying for my mom's healing physically but her emotional peace that God is in control and he is love.
I am so grateful mom can work some each day. This will help her find a better normal for herself during her treatments and give her more routine in her life. Although she is beautiful as "Joan on the throne" she isn't comfortable at all being so fatigued. I am proud of her either way but it really does us all good to see her up moving around and even running some laundry. She better not let me catch her changing her sheets or anything just yet but it is awesome that she is able to do as much for herself as she feels like.
They are still receiving meals, cards, emails, visits, phone calls and prayers prayers prayers! Thank you all so much for loving us and having faith in God's plan for us. We are truly blessed!!